10 Made-Up Awards Honoring OMG Moments From 2013 CMAs
Top Female Vocalist, Top Song, Top New Artist … that’s yesterday’s news. What about best hair, best awkward joke and best ‘bro hug’?
The 2013 CMA Awards are over, so we’ve decided to honor the best OMG moments from the broadcast with our own (fictional) awards ceremony. Kacey Musgraves and Darius Rucker proved to be the big winners at the inaugural (and possibly only) CMA Awards … Awards!
Best ‘Bro Hug’
Without question, this award goes to Luke Bryan and Zac Brown. The two were “feuding” until co-host Brad Paisley brought up the fight 60 seconds into the CMA opening monologue. Like long-separated lovers, the two singers sprinted across the front of the audience to embrace each other. We hear that Bryan was later seen picking beard hairs out of his teeth.
Best Awkward ‘Bro-ment’
Toward the end of the Kenny Rogers‘ tribute, Jennifer Nettles and the legend sang ‘Islands in the Stream’ together before the rest of the performers joined in to bring it home. Off to the right of your television screen was DeMarcus and Rucker, awkwardly singing the love ballad to each other. They were on an island of their own, and neither man seemed excited to be there.
Best WTF Moment
Sure, why wouldn’t Sean “P-Diddy” Combs be paired with Kellie Pickler at the 2013 CMA Awards? We’re not buying the rap mogul’s explanation that he’s a longtime country fan. It feels very Ashton Kutcher-ish. His stage time did lead to this great line from Little Big Town‘s Kimberly Schlapman: “We just got an award from Puffy and Pickle.” Next year, we’re hoping Psy reveals his country roots.
Best Overuse of a Censor
You can sing about sex, infidelity, binge-drinking and killing your husband, but you can’t make a marijuana reference on national television. Sure, the word “joint” has been used 100 times before, but when Kacey Musgraves tried to use it during ‘Follow Your Arrow’ at the 2013 CMAs, the microphone audio went silent. “Phew, close call,” said absolutely no one watching at home.
Best Opening Monologue Joke
It was sneaky, and it didn’t get the biggest immediate laugh, but creating a Darius Rucker and Julianne Hough feud without explaining why to the television audience was brilliant (here’s why). The ‘Radio’ singer got it, and if she was watching at home, Hough’s face no doubt turned red, which is a much better color for her. Other memorable quips includedL “Come on there ‘Baywatch,’ get going” to a pokey Kellie Pickler, and the Obamacare spoof using George Strait‘s ‘Amarillo by Morning.’
Best Tear-Jerking Acceptance Speech
Jimmy Yeary co-wrote ‘I Drive Your Truck,’ the 2013 CMA Song of the Year winner. Lee Brice said a few words before Yeary told the story of Sergeant First Class Jared Monti, who gave his life in Afghanistan. His father Paul still drives that old truck, and that story gave birth to this great song. Brice’s wife Sara also gets an award for Best Baby Bump. Hey, we’re under time constraints, so we have to double up.
Best Wild Hairstyle
There was some serious competition for this award, as Sheryl Crow and Carrie Underwood both came with wild new looks. Reid Perry’s dark brown ‘do is something spectacular, however. The Band Perry brother’s wild locks seem to come alive when he bounces around on the stage. His face is getting swallowed whole by an untamable force of nature … or Hogwarts. One one hand, we say “Cut it off,” because we fear for his life. On the other, we say “Let it go,” because we wanna see where this thing goes.
Best Puzzling Collaboration That Ended Up Working
On paper, this was a head-scratcher, but ZBB have a history of making curious collaborations work (see Trombone Shorty on ‘Overnight’ from ‘Uncaged’). Grohl’s madman drumming style was as enjoyable to watch as Brown’s madman guitar playing usually is. We can’t wait to hear ‘Day for the Dead’ again. Grohl is also producing the new Zac Brown Band album, which suddenly seems like a great idea.
Best Dress You Wish Your Wife Would Wear
Kacey Musgraves’ sunshine-yellow mini-dress was more “mini” than “dress.” The teenage boy audience numbers likely spiked when she took the stage to accept the New Artist of the Year award. Actually, her short, translucent skirt might have made every man’s jaw drop. Hey, Christmas is coming soon, ladies. Get your man what he really, really wants.
Best Awkward Moment
If the famously private Keith Urban wanted his sexting confession to go away quickly, he didn’t mention that to pal Brad Paisley. The ‘We Were Us’ singer looked temporarily mortified when the co-host brought it to millions of television viewers’ attention on Wednesday night. But he recovered to play along when Paisley said he was sexting Urban instead of wife Kimberly Williams. Great save …