A candid look into a star's journey from darkness to light

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What were some of the rumors that you wanted to clear up? Well, you know, the arrest in '95. I'm married, man, with a with with the house payment, two car payments, and insurance and a dog, you know, maybe a baby next year. How the hell did I get here? You know, the headlines are going to read that you rejected Winona. [laughter] When my mom read the book, all she said to me was, "Son, how [music] does redemption feel?" H how did you know it was time to write a book? And how did you know you wanted to get all your truths out there? You know, I think it was the last frontier for me and some some people have been wanting me to do this book for a while, but you it's such a personal journey to do a book because um and number one, you have to find the the like David Ritz. He's, you know, he's written uh read the Franklin, the Rolling Stones, Willie Nelson, and the beautiful thing about him is, you know, he really spends time with you and finds your voice. And man, I tell you what, the process of two years, my he really did find my voice. He's so visual when he writes. And this story has to be visual because it's full of heartbreak. It's it's it's full of joy and it's full of a lot of humor. It's it's kind of still Magnolia meets the Kardashians [laughter] to be honest with you. So, how is that working with a coowwriter? Do you just tell them or do you do you type stuff out or do you just tell them what you want to say? with David is he became a great friend. We our house wasn't even built yet. We were, you know, we were under construction and he is 84 years old and um we didn't have front steps and he just jumped up there. I can't even jump up there. And I was like, "Okay, [laughter] I like you a lot, man." But but sitting down with David because this dude got arrested at Stonewall 10 times. I mean, he he has so much um knowledge about the heart and um I I'll be really honest with you, some of these stories, I didn't even have a timeline of my life and I was no way because there so much was lost when you deal with trauma and mental health. So much gets buried from a from childhood on. So, um, through EMDR, working with some great, uh, EMDR is just really going in, um, it's like a psycho thing, and you have to go in and excavate. You have to get you have to dig these rooms out and and and hopefully you have the courage to open them and and you can't it's not like taking a cleaning crew in there. You got to you got to you got to go in there yourself and and and you're seeing and and realizing things that happened to you that had been so long buried. So, that was very unexpected for me, putting the timeline together and actually getting down to the nitty-gritty of the truth, why these things happened. I mean, I I say in the first part of this book, I really want you to love me, but but but you know, the truth is you're probably not going to, and hopefully by the middle of this, you'll you'll see redemption and keep reading. So, it's um it was it's the most healing and I like to say brave because I didn't know I was going to have to be this brave to do it. But um I think David Ritz knew that there was a lot unsaid. When my mom read the book, cuz this book is also a lot about my mom, that codependent relationship, all she said to me was, "Son, how does redemption feel?" And I said, "Mom, I I it was a it was a place I didn't expect to land." So, and another person said, "Man, is this a tell all?" I said, "Hell yeah, I'm telling on myself." [laughter] That's it. Were Were there any chapters that you wanted your mom to skip? Mom got to She said, "David writes so visual." She I was standing right there with you. And she said, "There were times I wanted to leave, you know, walking through um some really tough things that a mother never would have been standing there, should never have to walk through with you." Um or anyone really. um the the the details that we go into in this after years of rumors about things. Um just you know it was there was it was time to not hold back because I've been I've been I spent three decades of my life trying not to be seen and this is you know I don't do that anymore. So maybe I'm being a little too seen in this but that's okay because it's the it's it's the end of of a lifetime of hiding and I don't do that anymore, man. I'm just I'm just My nephew said, "Uncle Ty, you're just a normal little gay guy." I like, [laughter] "You know what, Jack? I waited my whole life to how about I'm just a cowboy, man." He goes, "Yeah, you're that dude, Uncle T." It's like, you know, I don't like labels. And [snorts] so, you know, being able to just starting with a tabernacle when I'm 9 years old, you know, where this this visiting and it says in the some of the press as a Baptist church, this was not a B. Baptists don't do tabernacles, y'all. This Pentecostal, [laughter] come on. you know, this is this the Holy Ghost. And and you know, uh I was the king of that when [clears throat] I was 9 or 10 years old, just I was traveling everywhere. And then, you know, to um to have a visiting evangelist kind of berate me in front of the whole crowd and start using words I didn't even understand was was trauma one. What were some of those What were some of those I love that the sirens going off at trauma one. Did you hear that? [laughter] Somebody's alarm. Yes. Yes, God. That's true. What were some of the rumors that you wanted to clear up? Well, you know, the arrest in '95, you know, just there was, you know, I went on to have a pretty decent career after that. Um, you the trajectory changed for sure, but you know, uh, I was married at the time and then being able to take everyone through that journey of, you know, having to get married and and then what really what that did to that young lady's life and and you know what it and how the dream team at Sony, how just just walking through those halls and and actually walking through that arrest of me thinking that I was actually going to die because people don't know that I was a handcuffed face down in unmarked police car for seven hours. That that's just something I could never tell. And the fear of that really wasn't a police officer. And this nowhere goes near making an excuse for myself. This is just there there is no excuse. It's addiction. But the fear that I felt in that moment going to play, you know, for uh the policeman's ball that night and and couldn't convince this guy to take me to my tour bus. And when we finally did, it's just those hours in there, what was going on in my head that I had to go back and unberry because I was it was it was terrifying. I I thought for uh you know, I didn't know if days had gone by. Um you know, also just finally getting to the to the venue and having my band having to see me that way and wondering what the hell happened. For people that haven't read the book yet or don't, what happened? Yeah. What? What happened? Oh, I got arrested. I got I was high as as as a kite and I had 6 months worth of drugs sitting in my pickup truck and you know I basically got entrapped in a in a in a park in Texas. You know, I pulled off because I I was running out of gas and there's I didn't I was so naive, man. I didn't even know a lot about you know what I don't know that what people do in you know those situations but you know I pulled over to just basically get high and you know and went for a little walk on a trail. It looked nice to me and had a very u you know stoic uh police I we now know was an undercover cop. Um basically you know uh do the old rub and I rubbed right back and you know and the cop said you know I exposed myself to this police officer and you know he said he said man I know who you are. This is not this is not your day cowboy. [snorts] And and in that m moment, I I knew that he knew who I was and and the nightmare of what I had done. And and years of hiding collapsed in on me at that point. And um and then being put in an old Impala, beat up black car face down with uh you know, handcuffed uh with my shirt torn off. It just it really goes into detail with what was going on with this and the and the nightmare of it and the and the the terrorization that came over the next 12 hours and then being flown from uh you know once once my buddies at Billy Bob's te Texas in uh in Fort Worth actually posted my bail and got me on an airplane and I came back to the Sony offices where I had to walk in uh and apologize to everyone where I was met with so much love, you know. And this story started going crazy at that point. And and here I am 24 hours later sitting in a rehab facility where I walked into with a a press conference sitting out front where I had to apologize to my mom and my wife. Damn. Um and just I'm in zombies land at this point. U sitting with the number one had just had a number one record and I want my goodbye back was at number five with a bullet. Well, that that song fell to number 200 really overnight. And I'm sitting in this treatment center uh thinking my life's over and having the very first time thoughts of suicide and just just you know how did this happen? You know all this hiding? Why couldn't I have just been a normal guy? None of this would have you know been going on? Why' I have to have a drug addiction to keep me just this is this is all these thoughts and I'm coming down at this [clears throat] point. Yeah. And at that time during treatment they didn't give you a lot of shots or anything to help you come down. you just had to go crazy. So, the next 72 hours was was pretty awful. And then, um, 2 or 3 weeks go by and I'm just, you know, just wondering what the hell's happening with my life. And I walk into the cow room and I'm They never play country. It's always some something else. It's a Sunday afternoon and I'm they're getting on a hamburger and I hear the the this radio blaring in the kitchen. Well, here's Ty Hearnen with his back to number five song. I want my goodbye back. Looks like the boy's going to be okay. We wish you the best. What? And I went straight out of treatment intound over over 100 dates that year. Wow. And uh and managed to stay sober a long time. But, you know, sitting in treatment, there it was on the cover of people's magazine. Wow. Oh, Ty Hernand and his wife Renee putting their life back together. And so at a moment when I thought maybe I would have gotten to come out and just, you know, go and just go sell real estate, actually kind of live and be happy. It it didn't happen that way. It was like we're going to we're going to push the envelope on this lie and uh and and bless Rene's heart, she became embedded in the next 10 years of her life and in in this uh in this web of deceit. Um, and I love her to death or that we're still friends today for that. And I love all my team at Sony, man. You, they invested a lot of money in me. So, you walk through these things in the book that I've never been able to talk about. And, you know, I've gotten rid of shame. I've gotten rid of all that crap, you know, cuz it didn't serve anybody. This is something that happened to a good guy. This is something that happened to a man who loves the Lord. This is happens who loves his mama, who loves his family, who would have never chosen this in a million years. But somehow I got I got put in a cave that collapsed on me. And uh by the grace of God, I'm still here, man. After all these years, u that I'm able to put this book out, tell the people the truth, and still make music. And I've become an author. We've got a cookbook coming. We've got, you know, I've got a children's book coming. Um and I have, my lord, I'm married, man, with a with with the house payment, two car payments, and insurance and a dog, you know, maybe a baby next year. How the hell did I get here? But I like it. [laughter] Wait, maybe a baby. Maybe. We'll see. What are you guys thinking about it? We're thinking about it, you know. Yeah. You know, I I Hold on. [laughter] We're thinking about it. If we don't hurry up, I'm going to be, you know, a papa in college. So, [laughter] what was the hardest to overcome out of the depression, the drugs, and the hiding your sexuality? Wow. you know, that's one big room. So, uh there there's there's it the hardest to overcome would have would have been recognizing the problem. Um and then unraveling the lies, unraveling the because as you start living authentically, those things are like a cancer in you. And I never was built to carry a lie. and and then realizing that they had become a part of my DNA and then having to remove that and um I mean just and just talking about um how I got there. That was the the the I won't say crazy. I don't use the word crazy, but the miracle of this book is David Ritz said, [clears throat] "Man, doing a timeline of your life was really kind of easy for me." He goes, "You've been telling the truth in your music the whole time." He said, "Go back. Let's walk back here." And it blew me away that that was the one safe place that I had to run to that I was always telling the truth. Maybe a pronoun wasn't correct. He goes, "But you were your heartbreak was in this, your joy is in this. Your shame was in this." And I went back and I damn, man. I listened all the way through right up until um you know until uh the u the journey on album which I finally was able to sing about my faith u and got a Grammy nomination for that. So that's when the truth started surfacing and it was it was just a absolute stunning moment for me to know that wow that that was my safe place in the land. Go figure. Right. Yeah. Are there any artists like in the '9s when that you were coming up with that knew that behind closed doors knew the whole time your truth that that kept the secret with you? Well, I think you know um some of my friends like Shelley Wright, you know, she kind of had a suspicion about it, but I never had a suspicion about her at all. It was kind of God. We'd only known each other, known the truth back then. We'd probably had 10 babies and everything would have been just great. [laughter] We'd been semid faith, honey, you know, just had a couple of cabins in the back, [laughter] you know, but but that's just not the way it was, you know. I um I guarded my secret so so heavily. I think one of the first people I came out to when I uh in around 1998 was Winona, you know, and you know, Winona is Winona. She just she was like, "Well, I love you. I love you, honey." You know, what made you want to what would bring me to that day, that moment? What made you want to tell Winona? I had a little crush on her. Oh, okay. Yeah. You know, she she know she knows this and we we were great friends, you know, and um and maybe she had a little crush on me. I don't know. But it came to that that point was I had to say, "Look, you know, you know, this is this friendship, you know, and uh and you know, I have a partner that I've had for eight years. You know, his name is, you know, cowboy." And um you know, and uh and and bless her heart, you know, she was great. She goes, "Well, honey, just take care of your heart." You know, the headline's going to read that you rejected Winona. [laughter] That we all know would have been the other way around. [laughter] It been probably get the hell out of my bus, you know. Um, what is something that we now know about you that's only the tip of the iceberg? Like there there's other painful things that you write about. How do you balance the story with keeping the focus on the music and where your life is headed and all that? Well, the number one thing is I'm I'm free. You know, there's so there's so much truth. There's not anything left unsaid or buried. There's not any craziness like that. But, you know, I'm also coming forward, you know, with sexual abuse that I that I went through, you know, when I was only 21 years old, uh, that a lot of men don't talk about. So, I think we're just probably hit tipping the iceberg with that because I'm planning on being a big advocate for uh you know, for for men to be able to tell their truth and without shame. Yeah, that's a whole deep chapter. It is, man, very much so. Um, were you nervous about that? Is the person still around? You know, I was I was I was not nervous about it. I was I was scared to death to go back into the room to go back into the room and and because uh when you're when you go through something like your me too moment, you know, where you're where you're drugged, but you actually volunteered, you know, you you a lot of men, I believe, you know, go through something like this. Well, I I went there. I did the drug. I I drank the drink. You know, it must be my fault. and you know having to go back into those rooms and and really go okay you might have done that but you did not ask for this and so having to uh to reconcile with yourself that that that's something very very awful did happen um and and people say is it about forgiving no it's nothing about forgiving it's just understanding you're part of it and [clears throat] moving on with your life and you know whoever else was involved with that that's their that's their journey to take so do you ever think about how your life would be if if you were born 30 years later like in today's world like you would you have been able to come right out you think u I think like I tell kids when they come to this town you know don't worry about your sexuality man be the best songwriter you can be the best singer you can be take voice lessons know your history of country music and come in here and make a splash with your talent and then the rest will land and where it needs to now that's probably the recipe I would have definitely followed and 30 years later I'd have been kicking ass and you know living and Tim and Fate's house, you know, but [laughter] but I love my house, you know. I love I love the house that we built. And u yeah, so I've never really uh sat into what might have been because those were cancer for me. I often have sat and thought, gosh, if that arrest hadn't happened, if that if if that assault hadn't happened, you know, would I just be living this perfect little life and, you know, and having candy cane music? Probably not. you know, I' I'm a little more complicated than that, but I would have been writing a different truth and and um I've always been had a heart to help people. I' I would be producing like I'm doing now. But I also believe and I came to a great reconciliation with the fact during this book. Um if certain things um had not happened to me that I wouldn't be here today. Actually, some of these things actually saved my life. And so I'm a strong fella. I really am, you know, and I've had to live a life of of regret and shame, and I got rid of that because there's nothing you can do about it this point. But just learn from it, teach from it, and move forward. And when people have a problem with where you've been, um, you have to really have say, you know, as my grandma say, well, bless your heart. You know, you just stay there. I'm going to I'm moving on. Yeah. You ain't going where I'm going. Yeah, man. So, um, your path is so beautiful no matter what you've been through. And I go I [clears throat] I speak at a lot of, you know, conferences and and um you know, mental health. I just I had to was a keynote speaker at 1,600 mental health folks and then I walked out there and I said, "I very much qualify to be here." [laughter] That's a good opening. They're like, "Yes, you do, man. I'm at home finally. Here we [laughter] go. Learn something from me." Um and then uh at the end here, tell me about the second part of your album that's coming out this year. Wow. Well, you know, how blessed am I that I had a first part of an album, you know, turned out great with Michael Ray and Christian Chinwith and Ashley McBride and Leon Rimes, some friends. Um, this the second part is going to be the same thing, the continuation of the hits and the mist hits. Um, and then we're going to add a couple of brand new original songs. But what I'm most excited about, um, my Grammy nominated album, which has not been available for the last seven years, is Anniversaries coming up and we just added three new songs to them. You know, I love doing fun things. And so, the great Ben Fuller is uh is singing on the album with me. And then the return of Michael Passins from Avalon. Oh, wow. Michael has been gone for the original singer of Testify to Love. So, he's back doing we recap Testify to Love and with uh with a 30 piece choir. It's It's just crazy. And then my mother-in-law, we say motherin love in my family, you know, a SEAC songwriter of the year. She's been retired for a bit. beautiful lady. But um she she and I wrote a song called Carrying Water that she initially had started writing when she lost her seven-year-old that drowned. Um so with my brother-in-law, my brother-in-law um and so we we re we rewrote the song and and um she comes in and sings with me on it and it's just about paying forward the love. You know, everything that we go through, our great responsibility is to carry water, you know, just to to to feed the hungry and and the thirsty. So, I'm most proud of that. And having Vince Gil read the preface and Vince called me later. I said, "Did you he said he's I don't need to read this book." He goes, "I followed you. I know you. You're a friend." He said, "I I will proudly read this preface for you." Cuz he goes because goes, "By the shadow of a doubt, I know you're telling the absolute truth." And this book, he goes, "And thank God you finally got there." And you know, when I heard Vince read the preface, it's the note from the author. I mean, I made me cry. I was like, cuz he poured his heart and soul into it in the audio book and and it pours right into, you know, first thing you hear is chapter one. Um, you know, I as much as I want you to love me, I don't think you're going to by the middle of this book. And um, it is a it is a journey of of of change, faith, and healing. And it's a gift. It really is.